The 42 Worst Jokes Ever Published Online Or Told In Real Life

If I have think of the worst jokes ever I can do it in one minute, because there’s so many bad jokes out there it’s easy to pull one out from memory. The list below is just that, 42 of the baddest jokes ever told online or in the real world.

What makes a joke to be the worst joke in the world? 

  • It’s painfully obvious what the punchline is
  • It’s not really funny
  • A 5 year old kid could make it up easily

Honestly, if you can make it all the way through to the end of this list, we’re going to be very impressed. And like always, if you have anything to add, please do so in the comment section.

1. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

2. Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

3. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

4. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

5. “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

6. I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

7. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!

8. Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

9. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

10. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?

11. A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

12. Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

13. Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

14. What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.

15. I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

16. Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? – Because the sign says No Tres passing.

17. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

18. I thought of having a threesome, but then I realised that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

19. Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

20. Wanna hear a terrible Joke?


Pretty tear-able, huh?

21. If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

22. What is Mozart doing right now? – Decomposing.

23. If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

24. Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

25. Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged

26. Chuck Norris has been to Mars…that’s why there is no signs of life there

27. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

28. 5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

29. I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. – The odds were against me.

30. Why should you not make fun of a crippled person?

Because he can’t stand the jokes.

31. If trees could kill you, they wood.

32. Have you ever seen this band called 923 megabit? Probably not, they didn’t have a gig yet.

33. Where do Mansplainers get their water? From a well. Why? Where did you think?

34. I won a prize and went on a once in a life time vacation. Never again!

35. Where did computers go when they want to dance? They go Disc-o!

36. I used to watch hockey way before it was cool. They were just basically swimming

37. How do you like your eggs, over-easy? Sunny-side-up or just scrambled? It doesn’t really matter, they are all eggcelent

38. Your ex wife. That’s it. That’s the punchline.

39. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabra

40. Why did the snowman looked through a bag of carrots? He was just basically picking his nose.

41. Why did my friend the golfer wore two pairs of pants to the track today? Because he always gets a hole in one!

42. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick

If you enjoyed these, don’t forget to also see these stupid but funny jokes

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